Dear People Pleaser (part 1)

Dear People Pleaser,
As I write this letter I realise that it might be the first of a few. You see the notion of People Pleasing is quite a big one, it has layers y’all.

So let’s take a step back, right here right now. I’m not here to call you out on your people pleasing behaviour and make you feel even more shit about it then you already do. That serves nobody and frankly isn’t my style.

What I do know is that I see you.

I see you wanting to make those around you happy.

I see how you’re hiding behind your people pleasing.

I see how all of this is leaving a piece of the beautiful human that is you unclaimed…

Saying yes to things you know you don’t want to do.
Pretending to agree to keep the peace.
Apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong.
and never saying no.

Sound familiar?

In your pursuit of getting a fix for that validation craving, you’re left feeling pissed off, depeleted, harassed and overwhelmed with no time for the things you want to do.

And you’re probably wondering why the hell you do it? Why as an intelligent, creative, modern woman, do you fling your own desires, feelings and wellbeing to the wayside.

So today I want to poke at some of the stories you have told yourself both consciously and unconsciously. The stories that were implanted as a young girl all those years ago and continue into womanhood.

-Pleasing people is not kindness…they’re not one in the same. 

-Being liked isn’t your goal in life, being yourself is.  

-Saying yes won’t mean that you’re accepted and liked. 

-You don’t need to justify your place in the world. You’re an amazing, resourceful and compassionate human being and your self-worth does not need to be measured by the happiness of others. 

-In always choosing others to the detriment of yourself what gifts are you denying the world? What are you unable to create, what do you not have time for, what state are you showing up in? 

I understand some of what I’ve said goes against everything you’ve been taught and maybe for some of you, it fundamentally jars with the way your brain as been wired up to now.

But I am talking to that place in your heart…the part of you that has kept you  reading this far. The part that wants to reclaim the space in your mind and in your life.

And I get it…validation has become your fuel

but isn’t it time to change it up?

You can start to do this by making intention the new fuel for your actions.

This looks like thinking before you say yes and using your no’s more freely.

Instead of simply nodding in agreement, getting curious as to why you’re doing it. Is it because you really want to, or is it because you’re scared of not being liked, or being seen as a horrible person?

Ask yourself where you’re trying to avoid the discomfort of someone being displeased with you or where you’re doing things that are compromising your wellbeing just to keep the peace?

Put those boundaries in place and set a precedent, as Oprah said

“You teach people how to treat you”.

Other people WILL survive. They might even thrive within the example of boundaries and worthiness you are displaying.

When you stop suppressing your inner voice and start honouring your energy, you get to live the life you want to live and create the things that are on your heart and in your mind… from writing the book, to developing the venture, designing the clothing line, making the products, getting the speaking gigs and hosting the events.  Nurturing your desire whilst making a real difference (and making money too).

So my love, how about you give it a try today and choose yourself.

From me to you,
with love
Nicola X x

Blog, WellnessNicola Rae-Wickham